Ellen DeGeneres says I’m doing it wrong

Is that me on the Ellen DeGeneres Show?!

I thought my sister was kidding when she announced on Facebook that I had been on The Ellen DeGeneres Show this past Wednesday.

A joke that reminded her of me? A doppelganger, perhaps? Nope. Three seconds of yours truly talking about the most terrifying experience of my entire life. The one where the airplane roof opened up and the plane barreled toward the earth. The one I thought I was going to die.

We’d just landed (again). I was answering a few questions in Sacramento International that April Fool’s evening (seriously). I think the reporter had just asked me to rate the scariness of the experience. I said “On a scale of one to ten? Twenty-five.”

Only, apparently I was “doing it wrong.”

Ellen’s team pulled the clip and included it in new segment called “You’re doing it wrong” where they make fun of people for things like not understanding the basics of rating something from one to ten. (See below)

Wow. Not how I pictured getting on The Ellen DeGeneres Show! SO. MORTIFYING.

I was at once reminded of finding out I’d been a punchline on NPR’s “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” game show many years ago after I used the word “dude” in an interview with an AP Reporter to describe my seatmate, Gary. I just stopped being red from that experience, and now this!

Ellen, I’ll be in L.A. in a couple weeks with your number one fan (my sister, Emily Poffenberger, who never misses your show, even when she’s in labor!). We’d love to come visit and explain how when airplanes turn convertible, you need more numbers on a scale.


Southwest 812: I prefer my plane without a sunroof, thanks

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