Is tone deafness mind over matter? My Halloween costume is on the line.

Any ideas on how to make a giant slug costume?

“I’m watching you WazOWski,” I said while piling broccoli onto our plates.

“No! It’s ‘I’m watching you Wazowski,” Mr. T said, cracking pepper over the greenery and dropping a note on the last syllable.

“WazOWSKI?” I mimicked.

“No! Wa-zow-ski. You need to change pitch not volume. Practice,” he said, effortlessly intoning the character.

After several more attempts, we ate dinner.

And then I asked for more help which resulted in further failed pitch changing, the inability to match notes, and a number of crimes against harmony. T concluded, “You’re just tone deaf.”

He’s not being mean, really. (Well, not meaner than the time I wrote “It’s not like I want to be on American Idol or anything” after our last round of lessons.) It’s probably best that you can’t hear typed words because wowza, yours truly is not gifted musically. But what if I could fix that?

I started searching terms like “Can tone deaf people learn to sing?” and “Cures for tone deafness,” and it turns out, that most people who consider themselves tone deaf just lack confidence and practice, and were likely criticized as children. Ahem.

Thus inspired, I demanded more impromptu lessons which again resulted in T citing my absence of a musical ear.

“If we have a kid, I need to be able to sing it lullabies!” I lamented.

T replied, “You’re just going to make noises at it and it will love you.”

“YOU’RE JUST GOING TO MAKE NOISES AT IT AND IT WILL LOVE YOU?!!” I screeched, hustling to the computer to start this blog entry.

He’s probably right, but that didn’t stop me from following him into the garage and continuing the lessons. I sang “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and “Happy Birthday” successfully several times, I’ll have you know.

Of course, you may be wondering about the impetus for Monday night vocal lessons. Well, yours truly is attempting to make a “Roz” costume for the department Halloween costume contest. And the curmudgeony slug from Monsters, Inc. wouldn’t be complete without her trademark growl.

I’ve got a few more days to get it right. Wish me luck!

P.S. What are you going to be for Halloween? Any vocal coaches with hot tips for me?


Related-ish links:
“You’re kissing me on purpose.” Laughter, the key to a happy marriage and life
Help, I’m married to a humbug
The Great Strawberry Popsicle Struggle of 2011
“I love you more!” and other good communication habits
Love in the little moments
Chicken flavored patriarchy

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