The Great Halloween Tree, a recipe

Behold: Nine feet of fabulous Halloween glory.

Now you might be saying to yourself, “Wow that Shawna has really gone off the deep end with holidays.” Or “Hmm, that looks suspiciously like a Christmas tree underneath those spooky cute decorations.” But really, you’re probably thinking, “HOW DO I GET ONE?!?”

Well, it’s pretty damn simple.


Step 1: Gather your ingredients

You will need:

  • One 9-foot universal holiday tree, pre-light if possible; dead patches okay
  • One set of 30%-off-works-on-sale-items coupons from Michael’s
  • Dexterity and speed to grab Target $1-3 bin items
  • Lights in appropriate Halloween colors; purple and orange, etc.
  • One pièce de résistance topper item, Sorting Hat preferred
  • Assorted pumpkins, bats, witch feet, spiders, garlands, ghosts, etc.


Step 2: String appropriately colored lights, concentrating on dead patch areas as needed. Congratulate self for forethought in getting three boxes instead of two.

Step 3: Place decorations carefully throughout your universal holiday tree. There’s no wrong-way but you definitely don’t want to overcrowd an area with too many witch hats or mini-pumpkins. Spread the love and for heaven’s sake, don’t skimp.img_8899

Step 4: Realize your 9-foot universal holiday tree is larger than expected. Re-print Michael’s coupons and run back immediately. img_8900 Step 5: Try artfully scattering faux spider webs to enhance creepiness. Immediately get pissed off at the clumpiness of $.99 spider webs. Remove webs. Hide the evidence.img_8901 Step 6: Practice explanation for inevitable conversation with spouse. Develop a quick and succinct rationale for question: “Did you really go to Michael’s three times this weekend?”img_8902

Step 7: Carefully place pièce de résistance atop tree, angling for maximum cuteness. Listen carefully as Sorting Hat whispers “Gryffindor!” Obviously.  Mentally dedicate tree to former student Carlos for bestowing upon you said hat.img_8903 Step 8: Bask in all of the goofy glory. Prepare explanations for why 9-foot universal holiday tree is available for said glory.img_8907 Step 9. Don’t forget to spread the spooky love to other areas of the house.img_8996xoxo,


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